Venting...you might want to keep on scrolling.

***DISCLAIMER***
I am hurt. I am frustrated. I.am.tired. I rarely stay up late like this, but my heart is hurting and I just couldn't fall asleep and I know getting this out will help. And....I will likely piss someone off that reads this. I will likely use language that is a tad unlady-like. Sorry in advance. I hate everyone right now. I don't hate YOU, but I do hate everyone....grouped up in this I hate the world cluster. My b.s. limit has reached it's limit and is now spilling over.

I quit my job. Yep...sure did. I quit an awesome job, with awesome co-workers, awesome bosses...just quit it. I did it to become a better mother. I'm real good at kissing my kids goodbye as they scurry off into school and daycare and go to work while someone else teaches them, encourages them...mostly while the world is out there treating them like crap. (I don't just necessarily mean MY children, I mean as a whole...your children likely get treated like crap at some point too) I come home at 6 or 7 in the evening in a stress ball and hurry them up to bed just to do it all over again the next day. I'm not dogging the working mother. Let me tell you, a good mother is a good mother regardless if she works or not. We each do all that we can to provide the best possible life for our babies. There is no denying that. I was in a place where their lives were flashing before my eyes and I just couldn't stand it any longer. A lot of friends and family think it's funny to tease me about my 'retirement' and how I now have all this time on my hands - screw you. Yep. I mean it, too. I'm really tired of us (yeah, all of us...I'm not sitting here typing this from a throne above anyone else) treating us like crap. Hopefully we all read the blog about mom-petition. It's parent-petition really. It seems no one is really there encouraging anyone else, rather just dogging them about their choices. It hurts my feelings when people say that. Oh sure, you're were kidding! Duh. Well, it gets old. It isn't funny and you're the 803rd person to be so funny. Try encouraging me/us. How about you recognize that this is a tough move for me? That I wasn't cut from some Holly Homemaker, Polly Pinterest cookie cutter and will magically have a spotless house, clean children and a 3 course, made-from-scratch dinner on the table every evening. Or here is the best theory yet - butt out and worry about your own.

I also quit my job to be Cody's best friend. Walk with me through this scenario.Don't just read these words, really set up this scenario in your head and then, act it out with your children, please.
You walk into a party. You know some of the people really well, some are acquaintances and a few are complete strangers. Let's face it, chances are you are a tad nervous walking up to the front door. You walk in, there are a few people gathered in the kitchen chatting and a few in the living room and a few outside. No one really greets you although you know they noticed you come in. You walk to the group sitting in the living room and make small talk, everyone stares at you. No one engages your conversation and in fact, they turn and continue talking as if you weren't even there. Then someone comes up to you and scolds you for trying to make conversation. You move to the group in the kitchen, you ask one of the guests if they would like to help you set the table for dinner. Again, stares. At this point, you're getting the stink eye from all of the guests. Again, you're scolded for asking for help setting the table.
Now, imagine this happening every.single.damn.day.of.your.life. Stuck on flipping repeat.

How would you feel? Would you become bitter? How would you begin to react over time?

I don't want this to sound like a pity party. Here is Kelli whining about Cody again. I'm setting this up for all special needs children because they are treated differently. It is the damn truth. And it is far more painful than any of his 11 surgeries. And it is a problem. It is bullying. There isn't anything in this WORLD that I hate more than bullying. We all know the terrible things that bullying causes. Murder. Suicide. Drug use. And the list goes on. I'm here to point it out because I live it and watch it and you don't understand it. And if you aren't talking to your child about it as often as you talk about what to do if a stranger tries to kidnap them then you are doing your child a major injustice. You are doing society an injustice. And, if I come in contact with your child, I will talk to them about it. You may have a perfect child. But I can promise you, you still should be keeping an eye because it is almost natural in this day and age that your child, my child, every child will bully and be bullied.

What I've seen in the last 2 weeks has nearly pushed me over the edge. Cody is expected to change himself to accommodate everyone else. I was asked today if my child had taken his medicine. Really? Because he was hugging on other kids too much. That hurt. Cody is 10. That is simply the amount of years he has been on this Earth. For some stupid reason, people seem to think (which I guess is the first problem...) that because he is 10 and taller and appears to be growing up that he should be 'normal' now. That he should just sit in a corner and look good and act like every other 10 year old. And know to keep his hands to himself, that the little kid in the play area doesn't want another hug. That rubs me in such a terrible way I can't begin to describe with words. Emotionally, he is a young child, 3-5. So, my young child will meet another child that he instantly feels connected with. He wants to hug that child. He wants to repeat over and over again that he wants to have a sleep-over and watch movies and go to Doug/Beau's and milk cows. He wants to shower that person with every ounce of his being. And in return he just wants you to want to do all of that too. And he gets scolded for it. Why should Cody have to be any different than that? He simply wants a friend. What is wrong with Cody? I think he is beautiful. I think he is funny and wonderful and loving. Why don't you see that too? Lord, he isn't perfect and sometimes I want to sit him outside and lock the door to the house....but is your child perfect? Cody is human. Cody has feelings. Cody has a heart as big as the sky. For some reason though....time and time again....the only feelings that count are that of the 'normal' child. The child that is annoyed by this fly that keeps bugging them. Well that fly is my son. My son that didn't ask to be born with a neurological disorder that they don't even know what the hell happened or what it means. He didn't ask to sit on the sidelines of sports games, knowing he can't do it so he acts like he doesn't want to. He didn't ask to have his colon so jacked up that at 10 years old mommy and daddy have to shove a tube through a hole in his stomach and squirt a liquid in there everyday so that he can have explosive poop and then we follow it up with wiping his butt for him. He didn't ask to have such bad sensory issues that he can't wear certain shoes or clothes or that he thinks he is being brutally murdered when you cut his toe nails or if you touch him without his permission. He didn't ask to have clubfeet and not be able to run fast enough to keep up with the other kids playing tag and he just wants you to slow down so he has a chance. He didn't ask to literally wired wrong so that he can't understand that you're "just teasing". He didn't ask to fight for every word that he can read or write. He didn't ask for the stiffness he feels in his body. He didn't ask for the problems he has understanding what you mean when you talk to him or being able to read your body language. Instead, he's the kid getting passed up for birthday parties and sleep overs. His hearing is fine. He hears all the boys in his class planning a big sleep over. He comes home and asks me if he got an invitation. A decade goes by and never one invite. Can you give the poor child a flipping break? He'll pray for you, even if he has never met you. He'll put his hand over his heart and ask Jesus to do whatever he can for you. If he sees a wreck driving down the road, he's talking to Jesus about you. Doesn't his heart count for something deserving of love and friendship in return? Just give him an hour of your time.

I swear to the good Lord above....if you....yes YOU....correct Cody for asking a child to play or trying to form any kind of communication, friendship, etc.....I will tear you apart. If you even UTTER the words, "Cody stop" without telling the other child to park it...... My dad would have beat me if I treated another child the way I see kids treat Cody every single day. He would have beat me if a child asked me to play and I walked around ignoring them or giving them the 'it's the weird kid that talks funny' look. Guess what parents, watch for that stuff and tell your kids to sit their butt down and play. Don't allow them to give the stink eye. Don't allow them to ignore the kid that just wants to play Uno or a slow game of tag. I promise, it won't kill them and chances are they just might have fun. Maybe they won't realize it, but they'll also make a little boy the happiest in the whole world. What if your child came home crying because no one would play with them? What would YOU do if you watched your child get ignored because he/she is different? I'm sure it's happened to your kid before...how badly did it break your heart? How can Cody learn to do a better job of keeping his hands to himself or whatever it may be if he doesn't have kids giving him the chance to learn friendship? Trust me, we work on these things with him everyday. We talk about how to be a good friend. We talk about giving high fives instead of hugs. We talk about space and being in charge. Do YOU talk with YOUR child everyday about how to be a good friend? Are we talking with our kids EVERYDAY about how we treat others? Especially others that may seem different? A little girl that Cody just LOOOOOVES was at McDonald's with her mom. She was playing with a group of kids when the mom noticed that kids were starting to leave her out....so mom goes and asks the kids what's up. The kids say: "We thought she might have a contagious disease like Autism or something." Yes....that happened. This little girl is ridiculously good looking and just as sweet as can be. I'm just asking that as parents we talk to our kids about these things. Even Cooper, who rarely has trouble making friends, will tell me about how he asked someone to play and they were ugly. I honestly think it is the starting point of what the hell has gone wrong in our country.  We all have to be better at teaching our children how to be kind and helpful...

There has been a lot of talk about equality lately. Funny. Equality. Equal. Being treated like you are treated. Cody wants to be treated equally. It just crushes me. It sends me onto the floor in my closet, sobbing uncontrollably.....my entire soul just broken. I'm not ashamed to say that. And it is weekly if not daily. DAILY mom's and dad's. I am sitting here telling you that as the mother of Cody Jensen I sob damn near everyday. How is that fair? How is it fair that I see the pain first hand on my flesh, an extension of my body everyday that it pushes me to the edge? This....this is what I face. This is what Cody faces. This is what I cannot change for Cody. This is what YOU can change for Cody and for millions of other Cody's in the world. Yes, Cody is different. He isn't perfect. He isn't like your child. But, he isn't bad. He is deserving of friendships and play time.

I'm not sitting here saying that Cody has never had good relationships. That isn't true. He has been surrounded with kiddos that have played with him and I can't begin to express how happy that made him in those moments. I'm just saying that those are not-so-common moments.

I'm kind of done venting now. I had to express this and I wish I could be more eloquent about it. It is just so painful. Maybe tomorrow, with very little sleep, I can muster up some rainbows and sunshine.