Precious Cody Moments

Every year I sit at the computer and write out my thoughts as I approach Cody's birthday. Life moves us along so quickly that I have to sit back and reflect. Put the breaks on, step outside of myself and look over moments. I mean, moments go by so quickly...they're gone in an instant if we don't stop and savor them. I love collecting moments. I love packing them away in my heart and returning to them as often as possible. I try so hard to cling to them, tightly, until I can physically feel them again. Honestly, (and because this is my safe place to express my truest feelings) it isn't that I am scared of death, but I am seeing as clear as day how fleeting life is. It passes us by faster than we can get a grip on. Sometimes, when I am cherishing those caught moments, I get really emotional knowing that time is marching on and there is nothing I can do about it. I can't slow it down. It really brings me back to when my grandfather was dying. I was 17 years old and my grandparents had picked me up for an ice cream date at Braums. We were on our way back to my house and some song was on the radio...some old country song that I don't remember, but my grandpa just broke down into a million shattered pieces. He knew he was dying and he was trying so damn hard to cling to all of the moments. He was trying to pluck them out of the past and relive them. That heartbreaking moment changed me. If I could have one single super power, it would certainly be the gift of time travel. I want to be able to step and back and relive so many moments.

As I reflect on Cody's 2016, I literally sob from JOY and RELIEF and CALMNESS and PEACE. God has given that boy WINGS and he has SOARED. Whoa. Hold on, I have to really have a moment with those words. Most of you have faithfully supported and prayed for Cody all of his life. You've let us into your lives and shared in our many peaks and valleys. There have been so many valleys. So much sadness and loss. Y'all, finally he has had the best year of his life. He is the most deserving person of a best year ever! It hasn't been perfect and it hasn't been a storybook year of a typical 13 year old. However, that kid has really come into his own. He is comfortable (mostly..as you can be as a teenager!) in his skin. Happy and love pour out of his soul and spill over into everything he does. It is simply amazing that he is MY flesh and blood.

Let me relive some precious moments. I am happy to report that 99.9% of these moments revolve around school. This warms my heart to no end because school was my greatest joy. I was a social butterfly so my very favorite memories are all from school. I want nothing more than Cody to enjoy these super special years also.

I will always harbor fear for Cody's adulthood. He is super cool now, but be real honest here, how many 40 year old men that are slightly "off" or "not quite right" freak you out? Especially, those that L-O-V-E you children as much as Cody does? I always say that my mission in my life is to help people remember the Cody Jensens of the world...well, here is really where that comes into play, folks. However, the students at Lincoln Junior High have given me a tiny bit of faith that they will truly change the world in regards to this. You see, Cody has made everyone his friend. Annnnd, I mean this literally. No one really gets a choice, he just makes everyone his friend. Even his favorite cafeteria worker. He sent me a selfie of the two of them and finds this guy at Walmart (his second job) and visits with him. And y'all, the kiddos at Lincoln have really embraced and ACCEPTED him. ACCEPTANCE. That has been a dirty word in my heart for a very long time. Acceptance is hard. I mean, HARD. But these kids...

They have accepted that he most likely will not be able to remember your name, but that when he yells "BYE MY LINCOLN!" they know he is talking to one of you football or basketball players. And they always say bye back. Always.

The cheerleaders accept that he will say "BYE MY CHEERLEADER!" and point and yell "BFF" every.single.day.in.the.car.rider.line. But, they always point and yell in return, "BFF!"

Those kids have no idea how many nights I have cried to God and pleaded for his peers to ACCEPT and LOVE him. They just can't realize that they are my answered prayers.

These kids have learned to ACCEPT that he doesn't read, write or type well, but when he texts a simple HI or I love you, that they were on his mind. And they take the time to send a quick HI back. It is really that simple people. And these kids...12, 13 and 14 are GETTING IT.

At the first of the year, Coach McKnight shot me an email asking if Cody would like to be a manager for the boys basketball team.

Side bar: do everything you can to support this coach and this team. Guys, Coach McKnight is teaching these young men that they can make a difference in a person's life FOREVER just by the above simple gestures. He cannot possibly realize the gravity of what he is pouring into them. I can't say enough about this entire situation. This is one of the moments that I just hold onto so tightly.

Of course Cody wanted to be the manager of the team! HELLO, if you have ever met Cody, you will realize pretty quickly that he believes pretty strongly in his management skills! He had been dying for basketball to start...the kid loves all things Lincoln but he was ready for his debut! He was PART OF THE TEAM, Y'ALL!! He wasn't watching from the stands! He was sporting a LEOPARD UNIFORM WITH HIS FREAKING NAME ON THE BACK! He has never been more proud. The first game was an away game. Coach said it wasn't necessary to attend away games. Ha. Seriously, Coach? So, I drove him to Siloam and as we walked in the door of the gym, the team all waved and hollered for Cody to come over and sit with them. Are you kidding me? These are the things that you as a parent of a 'typical' child take for granted. These things don't happen for our kids. That was a moment that I reflect on often. The game gets started...3 minutes in Coach calls a time out. The team huddles up. Cody Jensen grabs his water bottle carrier and races over to the huddle...he is bobbing up and down, weaving in and out, trying to get in the middle of that huddle. Seriously, hydration will never be an issue for that team. Bathroom breaks...maybe. :)

A friend stopped by tonight to drop off goodies for Cody's birthday party tomorrow and he went and got his uniform, made her close her eyes so he could surprise her and show her that he was part of the team. He begs his family to come watch his beloved Leopards every week. I can't say enough about these moments.

Another precious moment. Cody has a really hard time retaining information such as the daily announcements that come over the speakers at the school so I am thankful for the daily emails so I know what's going on. Well, I see the email about the various clubs that Lincoln has and I read them off to Cody to see what ones he might be interested in. Immediately, he is excited about the Ambassador club. Ya know, new kids start at your school and you become their friend and eat lunch with them, show them around, introduce them to your friends, etc.? Well, Cody was ALL OVER THAT. After all, he feels like Lincoln is all his. It was required to write a paragraph explaining why you would make a good ambassador. We sat down at the computer and Cody typed it perfectly and it went something like this(shout out Mrs. Bennett!): My name is Cody and I love making new friends. I love my Lincoln and want to help make new friends. Love, Cody. I mean really? Club PROWL was next on his list. Spirit Club for his Lincoln Leopards?! Matching club t-shirts (ahem, uniform?!) and black and gold poms and group seating at football games?! Y-E-S. I mean, this only fuels his love of cheering and drive to become a Bentonville West High School Cheerleader!

He has involved himself in nearly everything he can at school. He loves this because he loves his school and the people in it more than words could possibly describe. I love this because my son is happy. And people know him. The latter is important because Derrick and I have to live with the reality of Cody being taken advantage of...being put in a dangerous situation. But, with everyone knowing him and with him being involved in all of these things that make him so happy, he is KNOWN. He is somewhat protected. Derrick and I can bring the helicopter in for a landing and feel a little bit of peace in that.

There is so much more. He enjoys helping in Wee World (preschool) at our church. He loves those littles and they love him...he isn't different to them. Here's to hoping they are the next generation of youth that destroy that gap between normal and different. He knows that at 14 you are allowed to have a Facebook (eye roll) and get your driving permit. We are working on the permit test questions, but trust me, I'd rather him drive a car than have a Facebook! His teachers are the best of the best. Mrs. Edwards has fostered his "management" skills and gives the upper classmen the freedom to be role models to the underclassmen. In art, he did a project about his hero and he chose Mrs. Edwards. I don't think I really have to say more. Other than every day during our ride to school, he reminds me that she is the absolute best. It really makes my heart swell to add so many precious people to my tribe. He is doing great in Special Olympics and enjoys the social aspect of it far more than the actual sports. Yeah, he gets it from his mama.

I know this journey well. I know that this high won't last forever. And you know what, as much as I am NOT ok with that...I can put that reality in a jar and set it aside because these moments are far too good to cloud with the grief and the loss and the pain that still consumes me from time to time. This mom thing is really freaking hard. And Cody has endured far more than he deserves. And yet, that kid is the happiest kid that ever was. Yes, there are realities. He will likely never read beyond a Kindergarten level. He may not be chosen for BWHS Cheer. He may not get married. He may not have children. He may get forgotten as adulthood approaches  He may struggle to have a job. I mean, this is what this mom gig entails. These realities. Our brains never stop because we have to anticipate every possible situation for them. We have to prep their heart and our own and hope that we can throw ours out in front of the bus to protect theirs. But, I'll carry that burden because when Cody enters a room, he lights it up. He brings the party every time. And when I stop and cherish those moments (like when he enters a room and shouts, "SEXY IS IN THE HOUSE!" or when he stops a solider and says, "thank you for your service" or when he tells strangers to have a good day or when he requests our prayers for people completely at random) I feel God wrapping us up in a great big hug and winking at me. God is reminding me that we are ALL precious in His sight. That we are ALL created in His image and He makes no mistakes. Cody is a great big giant blessing to everyone he comes in contact with. And God planted that giant blessing in my tummy.

He certainly has taught me far more than I will ever teach him. I look to him for lessons and he never disappoints. He has taught me strength and courage and the ability to get out of our comfort zones and just L-I-V-E and live with a smile.

If you read this, thank you. Thank you to each of you that support him. Thank you to each of you that cheer him on. Thank you to each of you that love him. Thank you to each of you that pray for him. Thank you to each of you that have taught your children that we embrace different. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You make a difference. Your support carries me as well and pushes me forward. I could fill this white space for eternity with all of the people that have made him smile and that is all I could ever hope for. Everytime I get started on one moment another one immediately pops in my head.  But, my bottom line in sharing my life is simple: to promote awareness...to open eyes to the life of someone that is differently abled. People tell me all the time, "you don't know if you don't know". I kind of hate it. But, they are right. So, I'm here to help you know. I am here to shout from the rooftops the awesomeness of the Cody Jensens of the world. The simple. The honest. The raw. The love. The innocence. The lovely innocence. And lastly, that through Cody you can see the love of our Savior. The beauty of innocence is leaving children faster and faster. God blessed Cody with that beautiful innocence that I think he will have forever. We all can learn a lot from his zest for life, living and happiness! He is everyone's biggest cheerleader.

Oh yeah, capture your moments! Cherish them!

HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY, CODY. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE AMAZING. YOU ARE A JOY. AND YOU MAKE ME PROUD, EVERYDAY.

Please continue to pray for Cody's journey. Please continue to think of the Cody Jensens of the world as you move through life. Below is a timehop post from 2 years ago that holds more beautiful moments.

12 years ago tonight I was preparing to bring my first born son into this world. I was only 19 years old, but felt like becoming a mother was the only thing I had been destined to become. I wasn't scared by this point. Although in the beginning, I had spent many months terrified as there was SO much unknown about the state of my baby. A conversation that I had with my doctor, one I'm sure he doesn't realize the impact it had on me and how often I replay it in my head, we were discussing the pros and cons to having an amnio once we confirmed things weren't right and he asks, "Kelli, what are you going to do with the information? How will this help you?" All I could say was, "So I can be prepared to do everything he needs." That conversation has carried me through so many dark times. Being prepared to do anything and everything he needs to have the best shot. It carried me through kissing him goodbye through a plastic box as they put my baby into an ambulance to transport him to the NICU. It carried me through going home without my baby and spending his first Christmas in the NICU. It carried me through endless hours in hospitals. It carried me through the most gut - wrenching moments of the words, "We will take good care of him, Mom." as nurses wheeled my baby into the operating room 11 times. It really carried me through as we were kicked out of daycare after daycare after daycare because they couldn't handle his special needs. It carried me through the stares from strangers. The bullies. It carried me through temper tantrums and biting. It carried me through so.many.tears. It carried me through many doctor appointments and therapy sessions. It carried me through years of sleepless nights. It carried me through the stresses these things cause on a marriage and on sanity. It carries me through the struggle of trying to understand why people expect Cody to alter how he is because it bothers the "normal" people. Why can't you alter YOUR thoughts and feelings. It continues to carry me through the extreme loneliness. It also continues to help carry me through the anger because of the actions, words and lack of compassion of others.
It carries me because knowledge really is power. When I felt weak or unsure, I went back to that moment....getting prepared. I could do this. I could be his advocate. Because being prepared didn't give us the answers I continue to seek, but it sort of catapulted me into this mode of Mom. That this child would depend on me to carry him until he could walk and then walk hand in hand with him until he could run and then I could stand in awe of my son. It prepared me for the job that I can only describe as pure, honest, real love.
I always am an emotional basket case in the days leading up to December 17th. Cody was so close to not being here. And that...that would be a real injustice to this world, to everyone that Cody's path would cross. I sat on that table with a choice. No one would have blamed me had I made a different decision. But instead, I chose to be prepared. And I am so, so thankful.
I say it often, but I am so lucky to be Cody's mom. I see things so differently because of that boy. And I am so thankful to the doctors, therapists, teachers, friends and family that has made his journey so big and important and HEARD. I know that makes it sound like an award acceptance speech or something but with Cody and the tribe that we have been blessed with, it sure feels like I have won an award!
There are so many angels that have walked this journey with us and I am sure I have missed several (or maybe aren't friends on FB!) important people but you have to know that you are never far from our thoughts and our gratitude is never ending.
Happiest (almost) 12th Birthday Cody Ryan! I can't say thank you enough for keeping my heart so full of love and pride.
You make me proud, EVERYDAY. ♡