Emotions and Patience

I have a lot of one and not enough of the other.

I am an extremely emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I care - about everything. I want to fix everything for everyone. Then, bring my kiddos into the equation and there are even more emotions and even less patience.

Eight years of searching. Pushing. Eight years of more questions and a lot less answers. I knew Cody was one in a million before I had even given birth to him. But, I guess God is showing me just what that really means. I'm learning how to channel my emotions, my need to fix things and lack of patience - channeling it into action, change. I'm quick to say that Cody teaches me so much. But it seems like that statement doesn't do my feelings justice. I look at him and he doesn't even know what effect he is having on the world. The effect he is having on his momma. I hate that Cody has endured physical and emotional pain. If I could have put myself in his place anytime there was hurt involved, I would. Especially the emotional hurt. Of course, any parent would. But, I wouldn't trade this journey for anything and I wouldn't trade my pint sized partner. Cody made me stronger. He and I are a team.

He has come a loooong way in the last year. Mostly in part to the AMAZING people in his life. Ya know, it takes a tribe to raise a child and lemme tell ya, we have a ROCKIN' tribe! His teachers, therapists, doctors, friends and his sweet, fun and FUNNY little brother - wow - I couldn't be more thankful for a more loving and loyal tribe. I mean, he is doing so great in school....so great and he is SO PROUD of himself and that makes my heart swell. Seeing him get so excited about homework and reading....that genuine smile....I still get emotional and tear up when I see that because in the beginning so many doctors (that I've since kicked to the curb!) doubted his abilities - doubted he would make it period. So to each milestone we make with Cody, after I dry my tears, I think IN YOUR FACE to those doctors....and high-five my sweet C1.

So, we are now trying to figure out his hypoventilation and seizures. We will be having an MRI at the end of the month to see if there is a tumor, malformation, or....who knows....in his brainstem. If that checks out to be normal, I'll be knocking on the Mayo Clinic doors.