On Saturday, we were riding a major high. Cody, my eldest son, had just been accepted to the University of Arkansas EMPOWER Program. Cody has been looking forward to college and becoming a Razorback for a while now. You see, the EMPOWER program is a four year, non degree program that focuses on academics, independent living, employment, social and leisure skills in a college setting with the goal of producing self-sufficient young adults. Cody wants to be a spirit coach's assistant, a teacher's aide, a physical therapist or maybe even a police officer. One thing is for sure, Cody has a servant's heart who loves the Lord and loves others wholeheartedly. There aren't many options available post high school for young adults who are differently-abled. There aren't many options available because of ignorance and lack of awareness. Some people do not presume competence. Some people fear those that are different. Some people do not even acknowledge Cody as a person worthy of respect. Worthy of great things. What I didn't realize was that his very own peers are some of those people.
I could not imagine researching someone's phone number on the internet and calling them repeatedly and have the courage to say such horrific things about their child. You informed us that Cody was a r*tard. That he didn't look or act like he was 18. That you couldn't understand anything he said because he didn't speak well.
Did you think about how that would make us feel?
Did you feel proud of yourself?
Do you think Cody's life is less valuable than yours?
Do you feel entitled to belittle and bully someone?
Did you feel big?
Did you hang up the phone and pat yourself on the back?
You said you were doing this for "entertainment"...were you entertained?
When you went to bed that night, did you feel happy that you hurt someone else?
This wasn't just you. This was a group of yous. When one of you were interviewed by the dean about why you were doing this your answer was, "That kid just isn't normal. So we all started making fun of him." All. A good 15 kids. Maybe not each of you actively said horrendous things, but not one of you tried to stop it.
Not one of you acted like men.
We thought it was over. But, no. You took to FaceTime on Tuesday night. We had just gotten home, high on a Wolverine win. You asked my husband if he was r*tarded also. You taunted us that we couldn't figure out who you were. You said that there were death threats against my son. You both went on for 7 minutes spewing hate and enjoying every second of it. But, you are just boys. You underestimated the power of a parent who is faced with hate against their child. I found you. And now your parents have learned about the entertainment you seek.
Let me tell you a little bit about the young man you hate.
When I was pregnant with Cody we were not sure that he would live to term. His birth was simply a miracle. We left the hospital without our 8 pound 4 ounce baby boy. He was admitted to the NICU and had the first of 11 surgeries at 3 days old. He spent is first Christmas in the NICU. We traveled hundreds of miles every week for years to seek treatment at hospitals for Hirschsprung's Disease and Clubfeet. For years we sought answers to our questions about his health. Cody didn't walk until he was two. All of the things that you take for granted in your life and feel you are entitled to, walking, talking, eating, friendships, academics and so much more, took HARD WORK and DETERMINATION on Cody's part. They didn't come naturally for him. He had to fight. He goes to school and then goes to therapy after school all in an attempt to be what you determine as worthy..."normal". But what I have learned this week is that I am THANKFUL Cody is nothing like you. If you are normal, then I want Cody to have nothing to do with normal. Because, you see, Cody would never find joy in hurting someone else. He has every right to be angry and sad. Life is HARD for Cody. And you don't make it any easier. But still, he manages to radiate joy and happiness. He loves everyone. He longs for authentic friendships. He knows what pain and sorrow is like. Yet, he chooses joy. Is he perfect? Of course, not. He is a teenager. Does he make mistakes? Sure. Are they intentional? Never. Does most of the ugly things he has learned come from "normal" teenagers? Yes.
What baffles me is you KNOW he is different. You called him "so autistic"...yet you didn't chose to protect him. None of you did. Some how you think you are entitled to the internet and someone beneath you must be deserving of this hate. He's a nobody, right? Just some disabled person that was an easy target for some good laughs. Because you couldn't dare pick on someone your own size.
I don't dare want to think about the others you have hurt. What if you go too far? What if your actions cause someone to hurt them self. Would you be proud? What if someone hurts you? Would you regret your actions?
I go from angry to sad in a moment. As you can tell in my rambling here. You've rocked my world. But don't find satisfaction in that fact. Because what I have learned is that I have so much work to do. While there are so many incredible people in Cody's corner, there are still many of you out there. Those that seek to step on others in order to stand taller. Those that see Cody as less than. I am praying for you though. I am praying that God tugs on your heart as you lay down to sleep. I pray that your heart changes and you seek to protect those around you. To be the positive change we all want to see in the world. Most of all, I hope you look back on this moment when you become a dad and you're holding your entire world in your arms.
Cody won't need to stand on anyone else to feel taller. Cody will stand tall on his own because he isn't afraid of hard work and because joy lives inside of him. Cody and all of the other Cody's out there are fearfully and wonderfully made. Just as you are. So do better. Be better. I know it's in you.
But from where I'm standing, Cody is more of a man than you are. Maybe he could teach you something about that.
